A beautiful awakening


As a child, long before any diagnosis of clinical depression, I felt its claws digging its way into parts of me hidden from the world.

And as with any problem, we cannot treat what we do not know, or understand.

But I found unlikely help and great encouragement from stories.

In the pages of the many books my dad bought me, I found solace and inspiration. But these were also to be found in the multitude of stories my grandfather and grandmother told me and my cousins.

My grandad in particular loved telling us about his time growing up in colonial Trinidad; and defying the limitations set upon him as a mixed race man of colour.

This communal sharing of stories in my family fostered trust, loyalty and respect. It was almost sacred – esoteric knowledge known only to those within our family walls.


Through stories we learned about our many ancestors who came from the far corners of the world, diverging on the tiny island where we madeΒ home.

These stories took me on many magical adventures, on journeys that I travelled over and over again, yet experienced with fresh eyes and delight each time.

Reading and listening to these stories awakened something inside me too. It unlocked a well of my own stories that I didn’t seem to have access to before.

And now, the more I write and share my own stories with the world, I discover more depth to the well of stories inside me.

In my hardest times with depression & anxiety, complexΒ post-traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder, I have found redemption and strength in recalling the powerful stories that my grandparents shared with our family. They are stories that evoke love, nostalgia, sometimes sadness too, but also hope.

Thank you for giving me a chance to share my stories with you. I hope that you experience the power of stories too.

Love Alisha x

23 thoughts on “A beautiful awakening”

  • Keep telling your stories to the world, girl! You’re a very inspirational soul. Sure glad our paths have crossed. You’re now stuck with me. I’m right here on the path with you……………so let’s go……………………ready, set, go……………………………………………It’s easier to NOT fall off the path when you’re not walking the journey alone. Take care, my dear friend. HUGS :):) xx
    Peace out,
    Tammy πŸ™‚

  • Thank you so much Tammy! it’s always so encouraging to get your feedback. You’re a gem! You’re absolutely right! our roads might be long and hard but it is always easier when we don’t walk alone. I am so glad as well that we met! No coincidence! hugs and love xxx

  • Hi,

    I’m glad to have connected with you because my wife suffer from depression.

    It has been a process for me learning how to support her.

    You sharing your stories help me a lot.


  • I’m glad to help in any way Vernon! I’m really sorry that your wife lives with depression. It is a long, rough road to walk but it gets better, with support and experience walking the road. I write alot about my experience with depression on my blog http://www.theinvisiblef.com

    Stay strong and feel free to drop by if you ever need to talk or have a question:)

  • Hi girl, so sorry…………………..I just kind of disappeared……………………….I’m back. I sent you an email with my new inf. did you receive it? The first one I sent came back, but the second one seemed to go through. I sent it to the wrong email address, first time. I’ve been missing our chats. I’ve had some crap, to put it politely, to deal with, and am still dealing with, but it’s getting a little “better” every day. I hope you’ve been doing “well” since we last spoke. Hope you’re having a good day, my friend. Hope to hear from you, soon. Take care, and as always, Peace out, Tammy xx πŸ™‚

  • HI Tams sorry for not being in touch either- havent been feeling too well lately. i didn’t your emai, when did you send it? Ill email you before the end of the week. Hope you’re welll and things have improved. We’ll talk soon and oh yes I miss our chats too! hugs and love xxx

  • Yes, please email me and I’ll give you the new info. I got hacked awhile back and don’t want to give it to the world, if you know what I mean???? Brought smiles to my face when I saw you were here. Sorry, you haven’t been feel well, either. Keep hanging in there………..It was probably just about a week, or so, ago, that I sent you the email. No worries, though. I’ll wait for you to email me at my old email address, as I haven’t closed it just yet. I have to get in contact with everyone, first, then I’ll close it and be only using my new one. Have a good night, girl. HUGS and HEALING…..Peace out, girlfriend. Had to say that, right? πŸ™‚ We’ll talk soon. XXXX πŸ™‚

  • Oh no! so sorry you got hacked! will be writing soon! I hope you’re well otherwise. Keep strong, and chat soon. be encouraged. Sending healing hugs your way too Tammy Tams ..lots of love and hugs xxx

  • You talk about a nightmare???? Lord, please don’t let that ever happen, again………..it was awful. ……….having to change all my information, get a new laptop , phone, and phone number. Week before last, I spent all damn day calling all my doctor’s, surgeon’s, PT, all my hospitals I go to, friends, family, insurance companies, and the list goes on, and guess what GRACE did? Gave every damn one of em the wrong email address. So, last Friday, I think it was, I spent another 6 damn hours, calling them all back. I was not a happy camper, but you know what?? I did NOT flip out and that is a miracle because let me tell you, normally I would have under those circumstances. I must have had a fever or something. LOL πŸ™‚ PEACE OUT……………………… πŸ™‚

  • Ohhh πŸ™ Im glad you managed not to let it get the best of you Tams. Im not sure what else we can do but be vigilant against this kinda thing and who knows if it’s enough! extra hugs and love xxx

  • That may have worked that day, but I’m about ready to lose my shit, right now. Got a new printer and I thought I had better make copies of all my posts on my blog and it’s the damnedest thing, I’m telling you……….Grrrrrrrr…………….then enters XXXX and TROUBLE/! Breathe, Tammy, breathe…………………..

  • I have been known to smash a few things, trust me. I’ve even trashed my room a few times, only to regret it later, when I realized what I had broken during my tantrum. I’ll give the counting a try. That would be a much healthier way to deal with the challenge. Ya think??? πŸ™‚ Peace out, dear. XXXXXX πŸ™‚ Hope you’re doing okay. I sent you an email last night, I think it was. Anyway, just whenever you feel up to it and have the time. I look forward to hearing from you. πŸ™‚

  • Thank you Tams! sorry for the delayed reply- with not being too well lately. But it’s there now:) I’m slowly getting there. I still get mad but I go for a walk or be naughty and have a fag. I always imagine that swimming would be a good release too and tried signing up for lessons last summer but they always get booked out! bet they’re empty now that it’s so cold! lol xxx

  • That’s okay. I read your blog and saw that you have been sick, very sick. Glad you’re feeling “better.” I’m in a big flare……………..ugggh……………it never ends, does it??????????????? I think we’ll always get mad, we just have to figure out better ways of dealing with our “madness!” πŸ™‚ walking, smoking…………………it’s all better than smashing things, huh???? LOL smashing feels better, though! Just sayin…………….I bet you have to sign up now, for swimming next summer. That’s probably why the classes are always full by the time you get around to signing up. You might check into it…………………..Or you could take inside swimming lessons somewhere, even when it’s cold. It’s been cold here, off and on, and I go to the gym for my PT. I’m doing water therapy, first, to build up my strength. My muscles are so atrophied……..damn it…………….once I build up some strength, I will do PT on land, as they call it, at the PT office. Try to stay warm……………..That window in your room makes me so mad. How can they leave it that way when it’s soooooooooooo cold. Regardless of the weather, it should be fixed, but it’s been sooooooooo cold and you got really sick…………………..Get em, Ali Cat!!! Peace out, girlfriend. Stay warm and “well.” XXXX πŸ™‚

  • Oh Tams, it pains me to know you’re so unwell. Im quite rotten too and had to return to hospital this week for more antibiotics for respiratory infection.
    You know that’s true re the swimming classes. Id sign up now if I could afford it! but I cant sadly. I will still have a look though to be sure.
    Does water therapy help? Ive always found water relaxing and I think if I could do swimming classes it might even help with my sleep. Im sorry about your muscles hun, I can relate to that because when Im very ill and can’t get out and about my muscles degenerate so quickly. I will never forget what it was like years ago when walking was so painful and my knees so weak. Alot of businesses are so unscrupulous nowadays, and in London lettings agents and landlords are trusted almost the same as bankers! (sadly) lol. Hopefully if I dont get justice karma will do its thing. One can only hope!.Get better soon Tams, hugs and love xxx

  • I sent you an email, I think………….Take care. Hope you’re feeling “better.” Keep peacing out, ALWAYS!!!! XX πŸ™‚ I’m pretty sure I replied to your email. I’ll check to make sure. If not, I’ll do it soon, but I really think I did because I remember being so proud that I responded so soon………….The water PT really does help. I was starting to get stronger after just 5 appointments. I then had to wait for them to get more appointments approved by insurance. Of course, it was approved because I am going to need A LOT of PT before I’m anywhere near better with this hip. By the time they got the approval from my insurance company and got around to scheduling me; I had to go all last week with no appointments and this week, I only have one because they were all booked up. A
    After that, I’ll have twice a week for 3 weeks, and have to wait, again. This gap, in between, cannot be helping………..as soon as you stop exercising, your body starts to deteriorate………………..so frustrating. I’m going to try and tell him to go ahead and schedule me through because I can’t keep having these breaks, and going backwards………..I don’t swim. I do water exercises and it’s more of a work out than out-of-the-water exercises, but it’s easier on your joints. I never would have believed that water exercising would be any good at all. Trust me, it is…………..I like it………..okay, girlfriend, go check your email. Peace, love, hugs,and all that stuff. XX πŸ™‚

  • Thanks Tams:) you ok? I’ll reply later this week when I get a break from work. Glad to hear that water pt helps! sorry about all the appointment troubles you’ve had though! Hoping it gets sorted soon. Knackered and very out of it still so headed to bed. Hugs and love Tams, be good. *Ali peacing out :D* xxx

  • Hope you get some rest. Get better, already. Do I need to come over there and go have a talk with that leasing agency?????? You can’t stay in a place where it’s cold as hell, with a broken window, for God sakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Enough ranting. Pardon me…………keep on peacing out!
    Peace out, girl! XX πŸ™‚

  • LOL thanks hunny. This is me every morning at 3am when the coughing starts and throat begins to hurt ‘errr get better already. *&^^%& lettings agency.’ Hope you’re having a great week. Hugs and love x

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